When the boys are a away....

Buzz battling Giant Dino

    Here is the deal. On days I have off and the boys go to school I clean their room boring right? That is what I thought too so I started arranging their toys in a pleasing manner in the window so when they came home the first thing they saw was the display in the window. Like all things in the Burke house it started out small and escalated quickly.

    My first creations where just lining up the favorite toys to look like they were waving, or grouping together all the Transformers, super heroes, etc.  Then I started make little vignettes with the toys a different one everyday I had time. So now it is not only expected that There will be toys in the window but there should also be  a little production value as well. I started putting a lot of time and thought into my little scene and I also thought it would be neat to take a picture of each scene so that the boys can look back on them later. So I will try to post from here on out a picture and description .

Scooby Doo Gang recast as Woody as Shaggy, Buzz as Fred and Jesse as Velma/Daphne

Adventures both New and Old

   July and August have were super crazy busy for me and I will be honest I struggled through them. There was a week in July that I worked ten days in a row and then there was a  two week stretch in August where I either had to work, throw a birthday party or go to a various appointment everyday. To some that may not seem like much but I will let you know something about me I am not a "Type A" personality, I do not like to shovel a bunch on my plate to see how much I can take before I crash. I can barely chew through what little is on my plate and even then I whine about it. To all those "Type A's out there I salute you I wish I had your gusto for accomplishments but I am sorry I just do not.
 
But I digress my main point is that it is September now and I could not be happier!  September comes with several big changes in our house. Cullen will start attending New Adventures in the fall. This is the same school Cody attended when he was little. If they can get half the results that we got from Cody I will be a happy camper. Cullen is three and he does not talk the way a three year old should. His emotions also not on par with what an average three year old would exhibit. I started seeing the signs of this delay when he was around two and a half. At his two year old check up the Doctor asked if I had any concerns about his speech and I answered truthfully that I did not. He spoke then in a manner of s child who just turned two but as the months progressed I noticed he was not gaining any new vocabulary and often went into tantrums to tell us when he was upset or wanted something. In many ways he is like Cody was at this age some ways better and some ways more difficult. I hope that getting him in to this school where he can see a speech and occupational therapist on a regular basis will help him blossom the way that Cody was able too. I read Cody Leo the Late bloomer yesterday and he said "Mommy Cullen is like Leo" and I agree with him. But unlike Leo's mother tells Leos father I will watch that little boy every day for signs of blooming.

  Another big change is that Cody is getting glasses. At his kindergarten check-up he failed his eye exam and I was annoyed because I felt he was just bored an did not feel like doing the test. We had been waiting in the  waiting room for twenty minutes then an additional twenty in the room in the back and by the time she tested both the boys eyes tempers were flying and boredom was crushing. The friendly nurse first brought the chart close to Cody and asked him to identify the objects he saw  and in his bored and annoyed voice he said "UGH! It is just a sailboat,  a hand and a knight (which was a man on a horse) a circle an a triangle!" Then she brought the chart down the hall and tacked it back on the wall. Cody covered his right eye an read the first row with ease then he got to the third row and said a boat was a triangle and a star was a circle that a knight was a stick (a straight line) then with the left eye he shifted listlessly refused to name any before he was coaxed into naming the same results. I knew he had flunked it and was confirmed when my husband told me he indeed had and had to know see a eye doctor for further evaluation (Oh that is another annoying side story the doctors appointment ran so long I had to leave mid way through to deliver Cullen to a speech therapy appointment). I was irked I felt it was obvious to anyone who knew Cody that was just bored and did not feel like doing the test and once Cody has decided that he does not feel like doing something there is no way to make him do it.. But  I made him the appointment for the eye doctor the following week anyway  like a good mom. But at the eye appointment the Doctor confirmed that he was indeed in severe need of glasses and that it was a good thing that I caught it so early. Also that some of his attention problems in school may be caused by the fact he can not see his work properly and gets tired of focusing his eyes. So in about four weeks Coy will be wearing his new specks full time (it takes a while to get here).

     Colton is now in the first grade and man is it different than Kindergarten. I like his new teacher she is young and full of ideas and energy. Colton has been coming home with a mountain of homework every week. Two spelling assignments in which we can pick our activity from a list of twelve very creative ideas or create our own. He has to read for fifteen minutes every night which we already did he also has a math worksheet and sight word list.  I find doing his homework almost kind of fun especially with our creative spelling assignments I wish my first grade teacher had had such an innovative approach to learning! I might have liked school better if I could have wrote a story for homework or cut out letter from magazines to make the words. His reading as also improved greatly in just two weeks and can easily read his "Baggy books" by himself.

   So September is bringing excitement and changes in the Burke house and I can not wait to see what is coming next!

Back to School!

    In my house I have a little curio cabinet above my kitchen sink. I change the objects in it to reflect the seasons, yesterday with some sadness I took down my ceramic flip-flops and cheerful flamingos sipping tropical beverages and replaced them with a glass apple, a wooden cat on a stack of books and a little red school house.

Wonderful ladies at Cody,s preschool

   Yes it is that time of year again time for the kiddos to head off to school, this year I will have a first grader and a kindergartner.I should be less nervous more assured, since Cody will have the same teacher that Colton had last year and I am not a new parent at school any more.I already know the drills and such but somehow this year I seem to more be nervous than last year.

SpongeBob  never to be duplicated

   Part of it is my trepidation about Cody, as smart and lively a child he is I worry about him in a whole day setting. What happens at nap time when he does not have his exact sleep requirements met? (Jack Skellington doll, complete dark and absolutely no noise). He tends to only want to do his school work on a magna doodle, on his magna doodle he is a genius he writes things and draws mini-masterpieces but with paper and pencil he draws three lines and declares it is too hard.
    Then I worry about Colton as hard as I tried to work with him during the summer I worry he has lost a lot of what he learned. I had to work mush more than I expected in July. I had hoped to keep my easy schedule of 25 hours a week and ended up working more like 40. I lost so much of what I had scheduled to do to get him ready for first grade.
  Sometimes I wish I could do what a few of my friends are doing and home school them, but I think I lack a few of the essential things for a set up like that to work. First off my work schedule is unpredictable some weeks I have the best schedule I work three days a week 9-2:30 which would afford me plenty of time to work with them so maybe we had school a little later in the day or we worked more on my days off. But some weeks I work a full 40 hours and have no time do do my basic household chores let alone balance a curriculum.I also think that I lack the patience and fortitude required in a home schooling mother. I would worry that they were not as far along as there peers who attend regular school.
    I also think Colton would miss going to regular school he really enjoyed the whole school experience. He made friends, he loved his teacher, I even think he enjoyed leaving the house for the day for a change of scenery he got truly upset on the two occasions he had to miss school due to illness. In reality I really wish I could home school Cody, he has so many amazing little quirks and unique things about him I do want some kids stamping the quirk out of his spirit. Maybe some kids won,t understand a kid who loves Halloween all year long. Or who tends to use big words like "ebullient" to describe how he is feeling. I know I was the weird kid and I wish sometimes my mom had home schooled so that I did not have to worry about mean kids singing "Big Girls Don't Cry " to me.


    But maybe I am over reacting, I stressed about Colton because he only had my home preschool and to in class experience and he did just fine. I just hope that they do well and are happy in school this year
 

First day of school last year

Just Little Me time

 Ah lazy Sundays, I adore them (when I do not have to work on them) Saturday we had a blast. We went to the Sycamore Flats picnic grounds in The Pisgah National Forest were we played in the river jumped on the rocks and enjoyed a lovely picnic. Then we did my favorite activity bargain hunting at thrift shops and had a great haul, two bags bursting with quality books and one bag of nice T-shirts all for three dollars. Then as we were coming home form thrift hunting we noticed the pool was not overly crowded and decided to go swimming as well . We stayed at the pool for about two hours and when we got home we were all exhausted  and made a mutual decision that Sunday would be a "lazy day".
   

My tiny helper mopping

      Well not too lazy I did clean the heck out of the house with the help of my tiny assistants. So by around noon today we were all pretty pooped given the events of the past two days.  I laid the boys down for a nap and the actually fell asleep! This is astounding to me because my boys never ever nap I do not think that Colton as napped since his was around eighteen months old, Cody will nap but only on is own terms so if he does not offer it it is not going to happen. Cullen needs to nap but will not as a general rule sometimes around five he will pass out on the couch do to sheer exhaustion.
 

Trashed his room and then passed out

Refused to nap and passed out at lunch

       Today I found myself with around a hour and half to two hours of "me time". I was giddy what to do with this rare midday opportunity to do something by myself? The choices were endless I could join my husband and the children in there midday sleeping (my husband works overnights and has  to sleep during the day) but  that seemed like a wasted opportunity. I could take a bubble bath and read 50 shades of Grey, but there was two problems with that 1) The good tub is in the master bedroom and I risk waking up the hubby and ruining his rare chance for good sleep and 2) I bought the 50 shades of Grey book on my  Nook and baths and electronic devices to not mix. I could go outside and sun myself while reading my latest gossip mag but worrying about skin cancer ruined that favorite activity from my youth, that and my next door neighbor sometimes suns herself in a stars and stripes bikini that she really has no business wearing and The thought I might look like that terrifies me. So in the end what did I choose to to during my rare bit of me time? Fold and hang the laundry while listening to music of course


      I think I have mentioned this before but one of my most relaxing points of the day is listening to MY and I stress MY music on my Ipod ( I stress my because I listen to a lot of music on my Ipod as I have rule that the TV must be off for at least two hours every day but it is not always music I enjoy, in fact I have listened to "Man or Muppet " and "This is Halloween" more than any human should endure.) I found myself unwinding to hanging the week long neglected laundry and listening to the Dirty Dancing soundtrack on my Ipod ( I  do not know what it is about Dirty Dancing but when I am in a funk all you have to do is  put on the movie or play me a tune from the sound track and I feel so much better.tremendously guilty about this fact! I know it is not the best movie in the world , it is immensely cheesy and compared to the hotties of today Patrick Swayze is not even that cute! I love you Patrick RIP it is true and I am sorry). It is not always Dirty Dancing I listen to though that was just today, in fact I have an entire playlist labeled "Laundry Time"


    Don't get me wrong I am not complaining about it at all. I actually like folding the laundry it gives me a zen like sense of calm. It is a chore I do mindlessly,  a chore I can let my mind wander while doing and the end results do not suffer.  Also I like feeling productive if I had choose to to any of the a fore mentioned items I would have felt guilty afterwards. That I should have down something productive during one of my rare days off. So how do the other people out there spend their rare moments of  "me time."

           

Little Green Frog of Doom!

Here is the little fella'

      We are staring each other down we both know it is time we meet again  and neither of us wanted to ever see each other again.  It started out so good with us the first time we met three years ago, I was so full of hope! I really thought he was ushering in an era of new beginnings and now every time I look at him I get that sick feeling deep in the pit of my stomach.
      I am talking about my green Fisher-Price frog potty. With his eyes demurely gazing to the side giving the perspective pottier that sense of security( I can just imagine the discussions in the board room about the placement of the eyes on the potty. "No Bob if his eyes look directly forward it is like he is looking at the parent and judging! But if his eyes stare upward it is like he is trying to sneak a peek!") The frog has a smug smile on his face he is not grinning to broadly like he is overly excited to me in his unique position, nor is his expression to grim like he feels entirely to put upon.

Cabbage patch potty

One of the more deluxe models

   When I first purchased him in 2009 I fell in love with it, I looked at about ten different potties while shopping for the perfect one that would take my Colton from diapers to undies. I looked at ones shaped like tiny thrones, ones that had a little pretend flush that made the noise when pulled on (they reminded me entirely to much of the tiny potty I had for my Cabbage patch dolls when I was little , while the toy was always a big hit when I had friends over it felt weird to have my child peeing on something so similar) there ones that sang a little potty song, and just plain old ones that are just a tan plastic seat with a removable bowl. Then I found Mr. Frog, he was the perfectly mix of utility and whimsy, his bowl was easily removed and cleaned, he was not to large and required no batteries, but he was also cute a rarity in other simple potties I had found (oh and he was not pink! that was another problem I encountered I guess moms of girls complained that there was not enough girl themed baby items and then manufacturers decided took those complaints to heart so that instead of making everything the primary colors of the past everything would now be pink and purple.)
        After I took him home the problems with or relationship started at first Colton was slightly frighted by his frog potty. It took lots of gentle introductions and bribes to get him even sit on him. Then there was countless hours sitting front of the potty staring into his side cast eyes willing Colton to produce even a trickle of tinkle. After a grueling month I finally had Colton trained and I never wanted to see that dang frog again but alas our fates were to intertwine again a mere year later when it was time for Cody to train. 

        If I thought training Colton was hard Cody was near to impossible he refused to sit on the potty at all, or if you got him to sit on it he would stare at you insolently for a couple minutes and then get up and run away crying with his little bare butt showing. After nearly six months of  exhausting training that nearly took it all out of me Mr. Frog was put back into storage again and this time I really never wanted to see him ever again. Yet here we are staring each other down for one last show down. He is a little worse for the wear now, showing the battle scars that come with bringing three small boys from diapers to underwear. This time with Cullen while be our last battle together, after him Mr. Frog can retire move to Florida and play shuffleboard all day with his other potty friends. Then and only then while my hatred for him soften and turn to gentle nostalgia for times past.
    Who knows maybe someday years into the future when the boys are all grown, I will come upon a frog potty at some thrift shop some where. Peeking out shyly underneath some rack and I will look into his eyes and my own eyes will well with tears remembering our battles together all those years ago. I will nod my head at him and he will understand that all is forgiven.  

Beating Bedtime Adversity With a Good Story

A most and beautiful sight, Cullen napping

  My kids do not sleep, they have not napped since they were itty bitty babies and the act of getting them to bed at night is a long and complicated process.
    I love their bedtime routine it is the best time of day for bonding and has become a bit of a relaxation point for me (not as zen as when I listen to music and fold laundry but close.) First we read a minimum of two stories it was been as much as six but never as low as one. Just reading one story would be the equivocation to the world ending in my boys eyes.

Another rare nap

      I try to make the stories we read every night  relate to events that happened in the day. One day Colton was having a particularly rough day, first I put the wrong shoes on him two lefties one size1 one size 13. I did not find this out til he was already dropped of at school and I was going to get Cody ready for his school. (this was actually the second time this had happened, You see when you have boys that are basically twins there is not that much selection when shoes go a deep discount so I often have to buy them matching shoes not out of a need to be cute but because it is the cheapest way out) When I went to put on Cody's shoes for preschool we had only two righties one size 1 one size thirteen so I had to go back to Colton' s school, and explain the situation to the very kind and understanding school secretary and  march to his classroom with Cody in tow and switch shoes. This was embarrassing enough for any small boy but when I got to the classroom he was crying his eyes out because he did not get an award at the awards ceremony and he had got one the past two previous times and when he saw me he thought that situation had been rectified and he was now receiving an award. When he found out he was not receiving an award after all and I was only there because I had yet again failed to correctly shoe him he was beyond embarrassed and upset. His day did not get better there was another string of events that can shake a five year old to the core like not being chose for line leader and So and So said I was not his friend because he said  I am a "cry baby". Even when he got home the day did not go his way there was homework to do before TV time and his least favorite meal served at dinner.

     It was an Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible No Good Day  kind of day, he relates well to Alexander because he two has two other brothers. At the end of the story he seemed to relax and when we go to the part at the end where he says "My mom says some days are like that... Even in Australia" he  felt much better. He looked at me with his large luminous eyes and asked "Mommy if I move to Australia I could still have bad days?"  and I said "Yes sweetie everyone has bad days." and he says "Even you Mommy?" I laugh and say "Of course! but bad days are only one day you will have a good day tomorrow!" and he felt much better.

    I have so many books on their book shelve I have had to organize them seasonally ( Christmas, Halloween, fall, spring, winter) then Dolly Parton ( Dolly has a wonderful program called the Imagination Library and we have received a book from her for each boy every month since they were babies, it stops when they are five so next year only Cullen will receive a book) then there is favorites, and easy readers. Yet even with a over flowing book shelve I still go the library every week and check out two tote bags full of books. We devour books like candy and I love it, but our night time routine does not end at the book reading it also extends to song singing.
   First I have to sing  " I love (insert boys name)" it is sung to the tune of "Brother John" and has new and different verses every time it is sung, then we must sing "Forever Young" (it is a song that was at the end of The Care Bears Movie 2 the Next Generation not the Rod Stewart ditty) then there is a big hug and a big kiss for each boy and I say good night and leave the room . Then about ten to twenty minutes later Cody will ask for a glass of water and if you bring Cody a glass of  chances are Colton will want one too and chances are if Colton drinks a glass of water he is going to have to go potty and if Colton goes potty he is not going to be sleepy any more and he will want another story ( kind of like a certain mouse in another story on our favorites shelf)

Don't have a Panic Attack....or do... whichever

   I was watching something the other day and the topic of discussion was  "Your biggest challenge as a mother". The moms were saying such negative/ secretly positive things as being "too organized" (is that a thing really?) or the need to juggle too many activities. I did not even need to thing about mine, I knew immediately that my biggest challenge is my severe anxiety/ panic disorder.

   I have suffered from anxiety since I was a teen, not just your normal  "Gee this test as got me worried" anxiety but crippling the whole lunch room is looking at me and laughing at me kind of anxiety. My anxiety panic disorder peaked while I was in high school but it never fully went away. When in full panic mode I feel like my chest is collapsing in on me that  and that my brain might just explode. I find he simplest of activities to be huge challenges.
  When it was just me to worry about I could just avoid the areas that made me flip out (like over crowded malls, carnivals/ festivals, crowded yet intimate parties.large family gatherings especially ones involving extended family rarely seen) I just stayed at home when I knew that it would be to much for me to handle and if other people thought I was flaky because of my frequent cancellation of plans and gatherings then so be it.

Similar to the image from my nightmares

    Yet now I find myself having accommodate  three other lives into the equation, three little lives that deserve to go to street fairs and large noisy gatherings of children. Almost all activities for children evoke my panic disorder to the extreme. Chuck E, Cheese is my worst nightmare, all the flashing lights, the throngs of people all jostling together, the loud squeals of laughter. I do not know what it is about laughter that cuts to my soul, I always  feel like laughter is directed at me and it makes me uncomfortable...
    The other day I wanted to take them to VBS (vacation bible school) they had been seeing advertisements for it everywhere and were fully psyched to attend it. the premise was promising or children 5 and up you could drop them off and leave them for three hours of fun and fellowship. I had been to VBS as a child and loved it, I liked meeting new friends, doing the crafts and most of all the snacks! But then here came the crux for Cullens age the parents were required to stay for the entire time I had steeled myself to stay for this time. Then I pulled up to the church and say the gaggle of Mommies outside with their jean skirts and artfully cut bobs who obviously all knew each other either from church or from the community and knew I did not belong. I just could not endure A) the questions about me and where I was from and what I did or B) the complete ignoring of me, both thoughts were equally unbearable to me. I felt the familiar thud of my heart in my chest, the sheen of sweat start to appear on my cheeks my head started to throb uncomfortably.  Instead of  pulling into the full parking lot I circled around and took them to the park instead. It was fun at the park a recent rainstorm had turned it into a make shift water park and I let them take off their shoes and go crazy. Yet I was filled with guilt they should be with other children doing crafts and singing " Jesus loves me" not running around like heathens at a school playground.
   Then I started thinking about all the other opportunities they had been denied due to my special brand of crazy.Don't get me wrong I suck it up and put on my big girl panties and deal with it ore often than not. I have been to Chuck E. Cheese countless times and only had to excuse myself to quietly sob in the bathroom once (maybe twice but no one saw me!) There has been countless birthday parties where I am chanting " just cut the cake!" in my head over and over again., Yet is those times where I can not deal and have to cancel plans or leave events completely that haunt me. Will they grow up wondering why they were always the first to leave parties? Why I veto almost all county fairs and festivals? Or will they remember the time Mom took us to the park and told us to pretend to be ducks and splash in the puddles?

                

  

Ain't no Cure for the Summertime Blues

Popsicles how I love thee

  I hate summer I have hated summer since I was a kid. Sure school is out but that is fun for like the first two weeks and then it gets boring.I like popsicles, the eating of them and just the basic imagery of them. In fact I would say the only thing I like about summer is that stores put up pictures of popsicles   I do not do well in the heat ,I hate being hot, I would rather cold. If you are cold you can throw on an extra sweater snuggle under some blankets fix it. It takes a lot more to become not hot once you have reached a certain level of heat. I also have never looked good in a swimsuit another key point of summertime fun.
   I also dislike the pressure of summer vacations you feel like you should go somewhere do something. When I was younger we never went on huge vacations we went to the local theme park Carowinds and once or twice we went to the beach but that was not an every year thing. When school would go back to session and we had to write the obligatory " What I did this Summer" essay I was always jealous of the other kids essays. My best friend went to visit her Grandma in Orlando Florida every year and went to Sea World and Disney World. All my Grandparents lived near which was great because we got to see them a lot but we also never had the need to leave the state.

   The one time we tried to go to Disney World it ended in disaster, it was probably the worst vacation anyone has ever had ever. First our minivan nearly hydroplaned off the road, then shortly after we smelled a horrible reminiscent of  Easter eggs left to go bad.Then the car started shaking and smoking and the  engine fell out of the car.It late at night  and my Dad had to leave us on the side of the road to go look for help (this was before the advent of cell phones, people had them in 1993 but they were not household yet). My Mom, sister and me had to cower in the van for who knows how long until my Dad arrived with a tow truck. This was somewhere in Georgia , deep backwoods Georgia that the car pooped out. I think the town was called Hickman , but that could have just been what my parents were calling it. There was no civilization for what seemed like miles and miles ans coming from Charlotte where the comforting glow of neon greets you nearly every where I was scared he would never find people. We then had to ride  in the minivan while attached to the tow truck swaying this way and that in  a ride that was more terrifying than any ride at the park. We were then left to languish at a garage for sometime, I remember the couch there was made of uncomfortable burlap-ish material and there was lots of various garage debris strewn about. From there we had to ride in  Taxi with all our belongings to an airport it was here I learned that the Disney trip was fully canceled from the airport we would rent a car and drive back home. We had to wait in the airport lobby for a about an hour or so while my dad rented the car. It was torture seeing all the children carrying Mickey dolls wearing Mickey ears going on the dream vacation I had just been so rudely denied. I was purchased a stuffed Minnie Mouse at the Disney Store as he consolation prize for my thwarted vacation.
    Now I worry I am giving my children bummer summers, we do all the free stuff around that is fun but they still seem bored. A vacation is out of the question for us this year not only financially but with Cody and Cullen's special issues the planning of it would be terrible. I have taking them to the park, to family Place, The Cradle of Forestry, The Community Pool., yet they still seem bored. I made a big basket and filled it with coloring books and crayons and flash cards and learning supplies and let them have at it. Yet they still seem filled with ennui. I wish I could take them on fun vacations such but it just is not feasible right now. So I need fun and CHEAP summer time suggestions to help my little boos shake off the summertime blues

I Found Frustration in a Learning Game

     I have been on a kick lately, I get these every once and again little obsessions that I must carry out. They have ranged from scrap booking too this blog you are reading. Mostly I get engrossed for about three weeks then I abandon it  for some other pursuit. I am terrible about it, I really wish I could stick with things but I am just a wishy washy person, flaky if you will. I know this about myself, and I would say it is my worst trait, but I digress.

      My latest pursuit is a summer enrichment program for the boys so that their minds stay sharp during their two month sabbatical from school. I checked out a bunch of books from the library on activities that are fun and educational. I bought several workbooks on reading comprehension and learning word families. I have been googling up a storm trying to find home school curriculum's I can use for my little summer program.

     I was feeling super great about it. I was totally going to stick with this and they will rise into kindergarten and 1st grade well ahead of the game. Then I had this conversation with Cody and I had my doubts about my abilities. There was an activities in one of the books I read called "Story Builders", a fairly common game. The premise is one person (the parent or teacher) starts a story and then passes it on to the other person (the child or children). I had Cody in the minivan waiting for Colton to get out of school ( I get to his school about thirty minutes early to ensure I am one of the first cars in line, otherwise Colton panics and thinks I am not coming to get him, but that is a different story for a different day) I thought this was the perfect opportunity to try out our new game.
     So I started
"Cody lets play a game I will start telling a story and then you add some to the story and together we will make a great adventure" (in peppy I am such a great mom voice)

"Um No thanks, "

"It will be fun we have a while to wait still , play the game with me" (pleading and stinking of desperation)

"OK!" (exasperated)

"Ok There was once three little boys who wanted to visit their Grandma so they backed a suitcase and... ok what happened next"

 " they got there and the grandma was dead and they were sad"(in a bored voice)

"ummm... that kind of ends the story there buddy" (extremely worried at her morbid child)

*silence*

"Ok lets do a different story , Once there was a little duck who liked to play in the rain...." ( interrupted with a  loud STOP!)

"Mom! Stop! Ugghh! You are so boring! I just will tell you a story! The dead grandma she a frog now, then she hop hop hopped away and swoop! there come all the bats!"

"oh-no bats?"

"shhhhhh yes bats and they eat up dead grandma frog and then they go swooop to see the three little bears and they been breaking all their chairs an ouch ouch ouch burned they mouths on the cereal"

"I thought it was porridge?"

"no! it is bear food also called cereal, ugghhhh I so just done now lets just be quiet for a second."

   At this point the conversation was over and I was torn between amazement at his imagination and the fact he incorporated out lesson from  yesterday . ( I checked out three different Little Red Riding Hood themed stories and we read all three then discussed how they were the same and how they were different, yes I was very proud I had thought of this one on my own thank you very much.) Yet there were so many parts that disturbed me, I have gotten used to his penchant for the morbid but it still can catch me off guard at times. I guess I  just wanted it to be like the commercials for learning they show on Nick Jr where the parent and child are mutually enjoying the game. I feel my patience wearing thin I wish I was blessed with never ending patience and that being told to shut up and stop did not bother me. But it bothers me and then I just feel myself shutting down, and start thinking maybe I best leave all the teaching to the professionals. Then again I feel like I am doing good, that some of what I am doing is sinking in and helping and I just can not get frustrated.

    So how should I approach this? I definitely want to continue with my little program but how do I develop techniques for myself not to get frustrated in the process?

Of quirks and pet peeves, and neurotics

Ah, dinner at the Burke household always hectic. See the whole family is what you would call "quirky" we all have little pet peeves and we are all most neurotic about food, and the setting in which we eat it. Cody does not like many foods that comprise our food pyramid ( is it still a pyramid? I thought maybe it changed to a plate?). Until very recently he would only eat chicken nuggets and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. If I put a healthy meal in front of him he would look at with disdain most reserve for lepers.As he has matured his attitude toward food as adjusted too but he still is very particular about textures and will not most soups or, mushy soft foods. More than eating the food he is particular about how he eats it and when. Meals must be served at the same time everyday. I pity the fool who wakes him up and does not have a plate of food waiting for him. He also likes the same cup and plate, if you give someones else his Charlie Brown mug or his sectioned off Halloween plate the meal is sure to be doomed.

  Our eating arrangement's became a little more complicated recently when two of our four chairs broke (all in the same day when I got stuck outside taking down Christmas decorations and had too have Colton lower me down chairs from the kitchen window in an effort to hoist myself up through the window. I got back in but two chairs gave their lives for the effort.) so that leaves two chairs for a family of five. It is always poor Colton left standing because, well he is the only one who will allow it. Cody would stare catatonic at his food unable to fathom a world where eating while STANDING was acceptable. Cullen is too short and I feel like he would be the same as Cody unable to cope with an upright meal. Colton is jut an easy going little guy he can generally go with the flow and adjusts to lives little changes admirably. Cody and Cullen feel change is unacceptable and must be fought kicking and screaming the whole way.
   t

Similar to the motion used

The whole situation got me think how there are two types of people. people who adjust to the world so that it makes it easier on the world, and people who want the world to adjust to them so that the world is easier for them. I will give you a real world example: at my job people often have to sign one of those automated signature pads for various reasons, The device was made so that a person of average height standing can easily see the information and sign. Now there are many people who approach on those motorized scooters provided for handicapped shoppers(and some non-handicapped). The signing pad twas not designed with these people in mind, the angle is all wrong and it makes signing extremely difficult. Now I have seen several approaches to the problem.The most logical to me is to  get out of the chair and stand briefly to sign the device. Now not all people are this logical, one poor woman craned her head and arms around in a motion Cirque-du-soleil would be proud of so that she could better fit around the device to sign (fitting yourself to the world) and another woman simply lifted the device of its hinges so that she could lift it up and see and sign easier (fitting the world to yourself).

   

The book that opened my eyes
  I recently read a book that changed my life called Quiet.It is about introverts in an extrovert world. My favorite part is when she discusses how forced brain storming actually leads to fewer productive ideas. I can tell you how many times in high school I rolled my eyes when the teacher said " Lets put our desks in a circle and brainstorm" ugg It was always the most loud and obnoxious classmates who got their ideas across. I would sit and stew about how unfair this was and If I was louder more gregarious my ideas and opinions would be heard. The same thing as happened to me in the workplace I once had a job where the head manager just did not like me because as she put it I was "just too damn mousy and quiet". There would be people who got promoted ahead of me not because there work was better but because they were just louder about the work they did. But I digress...

 
  My original point being that in a family full of individual quirks and pet peeves to the extreme I have  to try and move the world to fit my boys and move my boys so that fit better in the world. So I end with a question, which is better an what do you do,

The One With All The Baseball

     Remember how every Friends episode was labeled starting with "The one with..." I have a bad habit of labeling my life with such episode titles and today's would definitely be "The One With all The Baseball." We signed up our eldest for baseball recently this is important to me because I am not a fan of sports. Or really physical exertion  of any sort. This I know to be a very bad thing, it as just never been my cup of tea.
 

Soffe shorty shorts of my nightmares

   In elementary school I dreaded P.E. with all my heart. Always being picked last, never quite understanding the rules of the game. My chubby thighs chafing as I was forced to run the mile.My peers jeering and yelling at me when I failed to do something correctly in the sport we were playing. To me P.E. was hell on earth. It only got worse as I got older, in Middle School we were forced into co-ed P.E. which I think is extremely cruel. At the beginning of each P.E. class we were made to do stretch's and invariably I had some boy behind me as I was doing my toe touch's and back bends. Some boy who was sniggering as he watched my size extra large nylon basketball shorts give me an unsightly wedgie. Some boy who would much rather be behind one of my willowy neighbors whose pastel Soffee shorts are not currently riding up her ass, and looks less like a hippo and more like a gazelle doing the stretches.This hatred came to a head in High school when I started flatly refusing to "dress out" for P.E. and would walk the track or even write and essay to get out of doing the sports unit we were on.
 
  So suffice it to say I was never on any sports team growing up. Organized sports is one of my knowledge gaps and I did not want this for my children. My hate of sports should not be carried on to my three boys so I enrolled Colton in baseball. This is not the only reason either his occupational therapist said being on a sports team would help him develop muscle tone and the team atmosphere would help foster leadership skills. All very well and good but here is the problem, I am not 100 percent sure he is enjoying himself.
 
   Colton is basically just me who is small and a boy, we think and act very much alike. He is sensitive soul and a bit of a daydreamer. As far as I can tell the only enjoyment he is getting out of baseball is all the new accessories that go with it. Colton loves his new hat, cleats, glove and ball, he can not wait till he receives his baseball uniform. But out in the field he looks a little lost and lacks the enthusiasm that the other members of his team have for the game.

    He spent  good part of the practice yesterday chasing a butterfly with his mitt. When it was time for him to run the bases he stopped after each one asked if he was done yet. He did field one ball though and if you ask him if he is having fun he says yes with a look in his eyes that wants to please.

    It is just so ingrained that boys should like sports. The first out fit I ever received for him when we found out he was a boy was a little blue romper with two baseball bats embroidered on it with a matching little cap. Most of children s layette was sports themed because that is whats available for boys, you got sports, dinosaurs, jungle,or bugs (but that is a different rant for a different day). Ours boys are just expected from birth to love sports,
 
My husband loves sports both the playing and the watching of them ESPN is on frequently in our house. So lack of interest is not from lack of exposure. Maybe I am worrying prematurely maybe getting him into sports will foster a lifetime love of them.

Facebook Related Mom Guilt

  Lets just start with saying that Facebook is awesome. want to reconnect with your best friend from third grade? Now you can, Facebook as rendered high school reunions obsolete, before Facebook the sole reason for these events was to figure out how everyone from your class is doing and compare yourself with them.  Why pay fifty dollars for a ticket get dressed up all fancy, to find out what you already know for free in your pajamas?

  I thoroughly enjoy knowing what all my friends and family are doing. Some people complain about some of the more mundane posts made, but I even like those. How else would I ever know that Abby Normal is currently eating pizza and watching American Idol if not for the post?

   My favorite posts are those of people talking about their kids. Maybe it is because I talk about mine so much, that I am gratified when others do too. There is no such thing as posing too many pictures of your kids or bragging about them too much. They are your little creations and you have every right to be proud of their every milestone and accomplishment.
 
 That said every now and again a post will make me feel like a terrible terrible mother. I will question the way I do things, are they enrolled in the right activities? are they eating the right things?should I be doing things differently?
 
Here is a sample post (this is not a real post just an exaggeration)

Abby Normal : Just bought six guinea hens so that we can have our own eggs! Store bought eggs are full of chemicals so glad we can have fresh every day now!

at this point I am thinking good for her, you wont catch me raising chickens for eggs, store bought is good enough for us.

but then the subsequent posts begin

Sally Soright: Good for you we have been raising our hens for about two years now! Store bought eggs are so bad for you. Our kids really love the experience of raising the chickens it has been a great learning experience for the whole family.

here the feverish googling begins how bad are store eggs for you? where is the research on this? Did I miss that Dr. Oz?


Then there are more posts all agreeing that eggs are bad, confirming plans to purchase their own fowl. Sure there may be one brave soul who posts she thinks eggs in stores are just fine and that buying your own livestock seems extreme , but she is quickly shot down, then the big guns are brought, the link to the article about the dangers of eggs. 


more feverish googling follows , trying to price guinea hens and the accessories that follow such a venture.


   This happens to me at least once every six months, not about chickens, but similar none the less. It may be about home-school, our gluten free diets, or sports activities. I question my every move as a mother then check those moves against all the other mothers I know.
 
But for every post that makes me question myself there is one that makes me feel better. Like "Boy! Boy! for sale!" ( if you have ever seen the musical Oliver! you know why that is funny.)

So keep on posting fellow Facebook mommy's!

 

PPTSD: Post Potty Traumatic Stress Disorder

  Bored and in need of a release from Sunday boredom we decided to go to Walmart and shop around. We were not in need of any thing in particular but sometimes just wandering around the giant store can be fun within itself. The boys like to look at the fish tanks building their imaginary aquariums , my husband likes to look at plants for his garden, and I like to see if anything is available at a deep discount. (I also work there but it is fun to walk around the store, as I usually only see the Pharmacy and the break room when I am there)
  The trip was going great, we passed by he toy aisle without a peep. We perused the rows of pastel colored Easter candies and had an educational discussion about how peeps are made. Then came the words I dread whenever I go anywhere with the children, "Mommy I have to go Potty!"
    I look at Colton trying to decide if it can wait or if it is a potty emergency, the look of distress on his small face and the Micheal Jacksonesque crotch dance assure me it is in fact an emergency. Then Cody chimes in "Me too! me too! I got to go potty!" Brian is far away entranced in the fishing equipment dreaming of brown and rainbow trout.  I will have to go this one alone.
    Perhaps if I had girls this would not be such a source of strife for me but I have three boys and the potty situation has gotten precarious. See at five and a half (a tall five) he is looking stranger and stranger in the ladies bathroom. But I do not trust him in the men's restroom alone, this was allowed once and some poor man had to inform me that he was trying to wash his hands in the urinal. When I go out with my sister I can borrow Joshua my incredible nephew and he takes care of the potty breaks with ease. Joshua is like the best kid ever he is polite, funny, nice, and incredibly understanding of his much younger cousins. You ask Joshua to take Colton or Cody to the bathroom and he does not even bat an eyelash he leads them into the men's restroom and supervises the visit with patience way beyond his nine years.
    Alas when I do not have my husband or Joshua around I must lead them into the ladies room and weather the increasingly dirty looks. It happens most often with older ladies, and I do not blame them,  they have earned their right to go to the Walmart bathroom and be assaulted by the sight of a boy wondering out of the stall pants around ankles, underwear half on ,exclaiming loudly that he did, in fact ,just poop. The worst his when I to half to relive my bladder and I have Cullen with me. If he would wait quietly in the stall with me and wait for me to finish it would be fine. Cullen likes to crawl under the stall while I am indisposed and then run up and down the length of the bathroom squealing loudly.
   Once a lady open the door to the bathroom saw Cullen running and squealing, heard Cody calling wipe my butt, and Colton walking out of the stall half exposed and decided perhaps her bladder did not have to be vacated after all. At one point they had installed little baby seats with straps into the stalls of handicapped restrooms. I found these to be very useful after they were rubbed down with copious amounts of sanitizer. The last few of these I have encountered have their straps removed and have been rendered useless. Perhaps to many other mothers had to empty their pocket sanitizers before they felt safe using them.
   Colton has also developed the habit of not washing his hand and wanting to use sanitizer in lieu of soap and water. Once at a fair, or the Southern Women s show, or something  where there are large amounts of women vying for a small amount of toilets,  this happened. We had waited for a good thirty minutes to use the bathroom facilities.Colton had begun to cry and whimper softly, his face was changing from pink, to red, to an ugly puce shade. Cody was holding himself and doing an odd dance that would not have been out of place in a circa 1980s Madonna video. As for myself I had not had to pee that bad since I was nine months pregnant and had unwisely drank and entire gallon of green tea (don't judge me I was pregnant all three times in August). There were three stalls for roughly 50 women, I had to use all three of these stalls for my brood, we all had to go equally bad, it was like Sophie's Choice only with bladders. Already receiving dirty looks for using all three of the available toilets ( there must be some sort of mass bathroom code I am unaware of because I heard several woman whisper to each other "All three stalls!, I never!" but what the heck would you do in a situation like that?) I was loath to use the sinks, which were occupied by woman in various stages of primping/waiting to use the toilet. Colton who is always quite the stickler for the rules said "Mommy tell that lady (which lady I do not know there were three) to move so I can wash my hands". The lady turned around slowly in a move most often seen in horror films and preceded to give me a look that quite literally gave credence to "if looks could kill". Torn between wanting to give the lady a piece of my mind, and just wanting to get the flip put of there, I squirted a large dollop of sanitizer on each hand and said loudly "Just use the sanitizer sweetie, Some people think sinks are just for fixing bad haircuts" (she hand one of those Kate plus eight hair dos that were in vogue at the time.) then I ran out of there as quick as my legs toting two small boys could go. Colton has been fixed on sanitizer ever since, she must of traumatized him, later when he has an irrational fear of asymmetrical haircuts only I will be able to tell him why.
  So I end with a question how old is too old to follow mommy in the bathroom? Is i different for every child? Do you let your boys go it alone in the mens?
   

TV Mama Drama

Brick eating his breakfast

Frankie being overwhelmed

Wednesday nights in my house are known as "The Middle" night. It is Colton and I's favorite show, he identifies with Brick and I with Frankie. For those of you who do not watch the show it centers around a middle class family in the mid-west hence the "middle". Brick is the youngest son who has a lot of quirks, he likes to read a lot and oft whispers the end of words to himself. Frankie the overworked mother tries her best to keep up with work and  the demands of family life but often overwhelms herself. Frankie brings fast food home for dinner, she forgets school projects, and complains of being a lazy parent in about every other episode. Oh and the sister Sue Heck reminds me of myself in middle if you took away most of her cheer and added more edgy clothing.  Colton begs to stay up an extra thirty minutes so we can watch the show together. It is our little bonding show  the only non-cartoon show we can agree on.
      We like it because we identify with the characters.It reminds me of when I was little and I would beg my mom to stay up and watch Roseanne together. Everyone knows Roseanne the brassy outspoken mother of two daughters and a son who was always very glad to give her opinion. Roseanne was one of the first of the "real family" shows. They did not have a ton of money, they had real world struggles.They recycled clothes on the show (the chicken and the egg shirt was shown on nearly every non-male character, watch the re-runs)It was new,  previous to this moms on TV were shown in sparkling new kitchens wearing the highest of fashions and never wore the same shirt twice. I think my mom saw a lot of her life in Roseanne. Though she would in no way want to be compared to Roseanne! My mom was much prettier and much nicer!
    It got me started thinking do all moms have their TV mom doppelganger? Is there a TV mom out there that mirrors everyone's parenting style?Was there anyone whose life was  similar to that of the mom on "The Brady Bunch" or "Leave it to Beaver"? Is there a real like Lois from Malcolm in the Middle running around? Sometimes I fear I will turn into her.So leave your thoughts, Who is your TV Mama dopelganger.

Morning Impossible!

 This morning was wonderful, I had laid out the boys school clothes so the got dressed in a flash Cody actually dressed himself for the first time ever. I had already had breakfast laid out and it was eaten and the bowls put away before we left the house. Colton was so ahead of schedule he had time to finish one whole homework page I had forgot to make him do the night before. Everyone was kind to one another and not a single piece of homework, or book bag or snack was forgotten
  This was not a typical morning, most morning even if I manage to lay out there clothes beforehand, Colton will stand in his underwear flapping his clothes above his head and staring blankly at Good Morning America until you snap your fingers under his nose and remind him that unless he is trying out to be in the school production of "The Emperors New Clothes" he really ought to get dressed. Cody is not, and I can not stress this enough NOT a morning person. Until very recently he would lay on his bed and cry every morning purely because he hates waking up. You would have to tiptoe to his room and wave a waffle at him and try to lure him out. Even them half the morning would be spent curled up on a kitchen chair complaining about being awake.
Mornings are rough for most people, the transition from sleep to wakefulness is hard for even people who label themselves "a morning person" (which is a lie no one actually likes mornings). I have to not only get myself awake and presentable but also three small human beings. That is he hardest part of having three five and under they are largely dependent on you for most things.
   Most mornings I do not eat breakfast after preparing three breakfast finding three outfits that are clean and in good repair there is barely time to get them dressed and out of the door. Another challenge with our mornings is that Two of my three are in school and two different schools at that. Colton's elementary school is about five minutes down the road from us, he is to be dropped of between 7:45 and 8:00 each morning. Cody's school is about twenty minutes away from us and he can not be dropped off until exactly 8:30. Even drop Colton off at 8:00 and head to Cody's school we are still about ten minutes to early to go in the door and have to loiter in the parking lot until the school will allow his presence. So most mornings I have to get Colton ready, leave, drop him off, go back to the house, get Cody ready, loiter then leave the house and drop him off. This system works for the most part but some mornings it goes horribly wrong. Here are some examples of mornings gone bad.
1.) Running very late after I forgot to set the alarm I shoved the first two shoes I could find on Coltons feet. (Mind you Cody and Colton have only one size different and they look exactly alike because they were on sale and only had one style and color in stock). I took Colton to school and headed back to get Cody ready and off the school,. That is when I realized Cody was wearing two lefties one size 1 one size 13 which means Colton was at school wearing two righties one size 1 one size 13. I had to go back to Coltons school and explain to both the school secretary and his teacher the situation. If only they had been at least a right and a left I could have let it go but now everyone knows my shame.
2.) After working eight days in a row the laundry had gone largely unnoticed, normally I like to send my kids off to school in style because no one likes a ratty dressed kid. Alas there was nothing clean except for some character sweatpants whose matching character t-shirt had long ago been lost, and a fishing shirt whose hue no where near matched the pants. At least I think lime green and royal blue Sponge bob pants are not complementary.
3.) At the beginning of the school year I purchased an innumerable number of character socks from Target when they were only .25 a pair. There are four pairs remaining none of them match. So everyday They trudge off to school in one Perry the Platypus and and one guitar sock.
4.) I this is technically after the getting ready moring stage but I will include it because it is funny. I have an audio book addiction. Most of the music nowadays I do not think is suitable for young ears, and I think listening to a book just as productive as reading one. Plus I spend a lot of time in the car and am often able to finish an audio book quicker than reading a book because my free time is nonexistent. I was listening to the audio version of Outlander by Diana Gablanon. The description sound pretty tame, 1940s nurse transported to 1700s Scotland, I thought the kids might at least not fall asleep during it. Most of the book had thus far been pretty innocuous just an English lady traipsing about learning local histories and such. I thought it safe to keep it on has a dropped Colton off at his school. The way the drop system works is you drive around to the long carport and then either a teacher of more common a trustworthy fifth grader opens your car door for your kid to get out. On this particular morning a teacher opened the door just has the lady in the book was discovering what is under Scottish kilts which ,is apparently... nothing. She looked at me like "What in the world?' and I had to look back like "What you don't listen to Historical romance in the car with your kids?"


       Cody asleep again after first attempt at waking failed                  A more productive morning

     This is but a small portion of my wonderful misadventures in mothering. I hope to share even more. Also I hope I have more mornig' s like this one where every one just has it together. But something tells me I will have more mornings that lead to a great story.

Uh-oh I gave my kids my weirdness...

   My kids are weird... but so am I so I can not really be surprised. I have always taken pride in my oddness worn it like a badge. In the 8th grade I was voted "Most unusual" and it was the best thing that happened my whole middle school career.
  How unusual was I? I used to sew yellow fur to my jeans and wear black lipstick... in the 4th grade we were made to walk the track every day and sand would get into my combat boots (yes in the 4th grade I rocked the alternative 90s chic)  so I would dump the sand from the boots into my desk. Then it started collecting  and the teacher screamed at me for having sand in there and asked why in the world it was there and my reply was "To keep my pennies clean." Which was not the truth at all and it worried the entire class but the truth seemed so boring.
   No being odd never bothered me my kids being odd does not bother me... other people pointing out exactly how odd they are THAT bothers me. Cody my middle son is going through his pre-goth phase, pre as in preschool goth. Cody loves skeletons, his favorite movie is "Tim Burton's The Nightmare before Christmas" or "Beetlejuice" he sleeps with a stuffed Jack Skellington. Most of his clothes have skulls on them, because well, I like skulls and after three boys you just get so sick of dinosaurs, and cars. Cody also has some emotional issues, he has what is classified as "sensory perception disorder". Most of the time he is like most other children but he gets upset quicker and is easily overwhelmed. He goes to a special pre-school where the teachers are trained to deal with children like him, and he receives twice therapy sessions for speech and occupational. Sometimes when Cody is upset he will say things like "I hate you! I hate this!" or "I so really can't do this any more!" some times he says " I am evil! I am no good!" No one has ever said this to him, he is loved and is told how wonderful and sweet and smart he is on a daily basis but yet he still says things like that. The other day he said "I just so really need a cigarette." I do not smoke, my husband does not smoke... no one smokes around him.. smoking is so taboo this day in age it s like against the law to show people smoking on TV, unlike when I was little and cartoon characters smoked. The comment disturbed me greatly. I racked my brain for some instance where he would have heard this phrase and could up with only one solution, school.
     I kept meaning to bring the subject up with one of his teachers at school but the chance never presented itself. Between his teary goodbyes and me rushing off to work there just was no good opportunity. Then about three days after the incident one of his teachers happened to stop in my place of business.Now rationally I know accosting your sons teacher about cigarettes while she is trying to pick up her prescriptions is not the best idea but like word vomit the question bubbled out. She assured me that no one in the classroom smoked and that no one would ever say that to him, she even suggested some other child may be the culprit as some of them smelled of cigarette smoke.
      But then she kept talking about how "odd" he is about how he calls himself "evil" and how he draws little skeleton figures on everything and she had to shudder for this one SHUDDER wears skeletons on almost all his clothes. Ok I will give her that a four year old that proclaims himself to be evil is odd but the skeletons on the clothes is all me! I never thought that my child would be judged for some of my personal preferences. Was I forcing my sweet child to be a pre-goth? But skeletons are on tons of boys clothing, go to any target you Will find at least three non-Halloween themed boys shirts with skulls on them. The back of my mini-van has a little skull and crossbones family. I always said I did not want to be like all the other mothers but was that hurting my children?

                                                Cody in his skeleton costume at school

     I pictured them all huddled around the playground talking about how smokey smelling Little Aiden was and how weird and creepy Cody was. I got myself so worked up about it I almost did not want to bring him back to school. But then I took a deep breath took a step back and realized who Cody is is wonderful. That we live in a small town and some things we do are pretty odd but I would not have it any other way.i