When the boys are a away....

Buzz battling Giant Dino

    Here is the deal. On days I have off and the boys go to school I clean their room boring right? That is what I thought too so I started arranging their toys in a pleasing manner in the window so when they came home the first thing they saw was the display in the window. Like all things in the Burke house it started out small and escalated quickly.

    My first creations where just lining up the favorite toys to look like they were waving, or grouping together all the Transformers, super heroes, etc.  Then I started make little vignettes with the toys a different one everyday I had time. So now it is not only expected that There will be toys in the window but there should also be  a little production value as well. I started putting a lot of time and thought into my little scene and I also thought it would be neat to take a picture of each scene so that the boys can look back on them later. So I will try to post from here on out a picture and description .

Scooby Doo Gang recast as Woody as Shaggy, Buzz as Fred and Jesse as Velma/Daphne

Adventures both New and Old

   July and August have were super crazy busy for me and I will be honest I struggled through them. There was a week in July that I worked ten days in a row and then there was a  two week stretch in August where I either had to work, throw a birthday party or go to a various appointment everyday. To some that may not seem like much but I will let you know something about me I am not a "Type A" personality, I do not like to shovel a bunch on my plate to see how much I can take before I crash. I can barely chew through what little is on my plate and even then I whine about it. To all those "Type A's out there I salute you I wish I had your gusto for accomplishments but I am sorry I just do not.
 
But I digress my main point is that it is September now and I could not be happier!  September comes with several big changes in our house. Cullen will start attending New Adventures in the fall. This is the same school Cody attended when he was little. If they can get half the results that we got from Cody I will be a happy camper. Cullen is three and he does not talk the way a three year old should. His emotions also not on par with what an average three year old would exhibit. I started seeing the signs of this delay when he was around two and a half. At his two year old check up the Doctor asked if I had any concerns about his speech and I answered truthfully that I did not. He spoke then in a manner of s child who just turned two but as the months progressed I noticed he was not gaining any new vocabulary and often went into tantrums to tell us when he was upset or wanted something. In many ways he is like Cody was at this age some ways better and some ways more difficult. I hope that getting him in to this school where he can see a speech and occupational therapist on a regular basis will help him blossom the way that Cody was able too. I read Cody Leo the Late bloomer yesterday and he said "Mommy Cullen is like Leo" and I agree with him. But unlike Leo's mother tells Leos father I will watch that little boy every day for signs of blooming.

  Another big change is that Cody is getting glasses. At his kindergarten check-up he failed his eye exam and I was annoyed because I felt he was just bored an did not feel like doing the test. We had been waiting in the  waiting room for twenty minutes then an additional twenty in the room in the back and by the time she tested both the boys eyes tempers were flying and boredom was crushing. The friendly nurse first brought the chart close to Cody and asked him to identify the objects he saw  and in his bored and annoyed voice he said "UGH! It is just a sailboat,  a hand and a knight (which was a man on a horse) a circle an a triangle!" Then she brought the chart down the hall and tacked it back on the wall. Cody covered his right eye an read the first row with ease then he got to the third row and said a boat was a triangle and a star was a circle that a knight was a stick (a straight line) then with the left eye he shifted listlessly refused to name any before he was coaxed into naming the same results. I knew he had flunked it and was confirmed when my husband told me he indeed had and had to know see a eye doctor for further evaluation (Oh that is another annoying side story the doctors appointment ran so long I had to leave mid way through to deliver Cullen to a speech therapy appointment). I was irked I felt it was obvious to anyone who knew Cody that was just bored and did not feel like doing the test and once Cody has decided that he does not feel like doing something there is no way to make him do it.. But  I made him the appointment for the eye doctor the following week anyway  like a good mom. But at the eye appointment the Doctor confirmed that he was indeed in severe need of glasses and that it was a good thing that I caught it so early. Also that some of his attention problems in school may be caused by the fact he can not see his work properly and gets tired of focusing his eyes. So in about four weeks Coy will be wearing his new specks full time (it takes a while to get here).

     Colton is now in the first grade and man is it different than Kindergarten. I like his new teacher she is young and full of ideas and energy. Colton has been coming home with a mountain of homework every week. Two spelling assignments in which we can pick our activity from a list of twelve very creative ideas or create our own. He has to read for fifteen minutes every night which we already did he also has a math worksheet and sight word list.  I find doing his homework almost kind of fun especially with our creative spelling assignments I wish my first grade teacher had had such an innovative approach to learning! I might have liked school better if I could have wrote a story for homework or cut out letter from magazines to make the words. His reading as also improved greatly in just two weeks and can easily read his "Baggy books" by himself.

   So September is bringing excitement and changes in the Burke house and I can not wait to see what is coming next!

Back to School!

    In my house I have a little curio cabinet above my kitchen sink. I change the objects in it to reflect the seasons, yesterday with some sadness I took down my ceramic flip-flops and cheerful flamingos sipping tropical beverages and replaced them with a glass apple, a wooden cat on a stack of books and a little red school house.

Wonderful ladies at Cody,s preschool

   Yes it is that time of year again time for the kiddos to head off to school, this year I will have a first grader and a kindergartner.I should be less nervous more assured, since Cody will have the same teacher that Colton had last year and I am not a new parent at school any more.I already know the drills and such but somehow this year I seem to more be nervous than last year.

SpongeBob  never to be duplicated

   Part of it is my trepidation about Cody, as smart and lively a child he is I worry about him in a whole day setting. What happens at nap time when he does not have his exact sleep requirements met? (Jack Skellington doll, complete dark and absolutely no noise). He tends to only want to do his school work on a magna doodle, on his magna doodle he is a genius he writes things and draws mini-masterpieces but with paper and pencil he draws three lines and declares it is too hard.
    Then I worry about Colton as hard as I tried to work with him during the summer I worry he has lost a lot of what he learned. I had to work mush more than I expected in July. I had hoped to keep my easy schedule of 25 hours a week and ended up working more like 40. I lost so much of what I had scheduled to do to get him ready for first grade.
  Sometimes I wish I could do what a few of my friends are doing and home school them, but I think I lack a few of the essential things for a set up like that to work. First off my work schedule is unpredictable some weeks I have the best schedule I work three days a week 9-2:30 which would afford me plenty of time to work with them so maybe we had school a little later in the day or we worked more on my days off. But some weeks I work a full 40 hours and have no time do do my basic household chores let alone balance a curriculum.I also think that I lack the patience and fortitude required in a home schooling mother. I would worry that they were not as far along as there peers who attend regular school.
    I also think Colton would miss going to regular school he really enjoyed the whole school experience. He made friends, he loved his teacher, I even think he enjoyed leaving the house for the day for a change of scenery he got truly upset on the two occasions he had to miss school due to illness. In reality I really wish I could home school Cody, he has so many amazing little quirks and unique things about him I do want some kids stamping the quirk out of his spirit. Maybe some kids won,t understand a kid who loves Halloween all year long. Or who tends to use big words like "ebullient" to describe how he is feeling. I know I was the weird kid and I wish sometimes my mom had home schooled so that I did not have to worry about mean kids singing "Big Girls Don't Cry " to me.


    But maybe I am over reacting, I stressed about Colton because he only had my home preschool and to in class experience and he did just fine. I just hope that they do well and are happy in school this year
 

First day of school last year

Just Little Me time

 Ah lazy Sundays, I adore them (when I do not have to work on them) Saturday we had a blast. We went to the Sycamore Flats picnic grounds in The Pisgah National Forest were we played in the river jumped on the rocks and enjoyed a lovely picnic. Then we did my favorite activity bargain hunting at thrift shops and had a great haul, two bags bursting with quality books and one bag of nice T-shirts all for three dollars. Then as we were coming home form thrift hunting we noticed the pool was not overly crowded and decided to go swimming as well . We stayed at the pool for about two hours and when we got home we were all exhausted  and made a mutual decision that Sunday would be a "lazy day".
   

My tiny helper mopping

      Well not too lazy I did clean the heck out of the house with the help of my tiny assistants. So by around noon today we were all pretty pooped given the events of the past two days.  I laid the boys down for a nap and the actually fell asleep! This is astounding to me because my boys never ever nap I do not think that Colton as napped since his was around eighteen months old, Cody will nap but only on is own terms so if he does not offer it it is not going to happen. Cullen needs to nap but will not as a general rule sometimes around five he will pass out on the couch do to sheer exhaustion.
 

Trashed his room and then passed out

Refused to nap and passed out at lunch

       Today I found myself with around a hour and half to two hours of "me time". I was giddy what to do with this rare midday opportunity to do something by myself? The choices were endless I could join my husband and the children in there midday sleeping (my husband works overnights and has  to sleep during the day) but  that seemed like a wasted opportunity. I could take a bubble bath and read 50 shades of Grey, but there was two problems with that 1) The good tub is in the master bedroom and I risk waking up the hubby and ruining his rare chance for good sleep and 2) I bought the 50 shades of Grey book on my  Nook and baths and electronic devices to not mix. I could go outside and sun myself while reading my latest gossip mag but worrying about skin cancer ruined that favorite activity from my youth, that and my next door neighbor sometimes suns herself in a stars and stripes bikini that she really has no business wearing and The thought I might look like that terrifies me. So in the end what did I choose to to during my rare bit of me time? Fold and hang the laundry while listening to music of course


      I think I have mentioned this before but one of my most relaxing points of the day is listening to MY and I stress MY music on my Ipod ( I stress my because I listen to a lot of music on my Ipod as I have rule that the TV must be off for at least two hours every day but it is not always music I enjoy, in fact I have listened to "Man or Muppet " and "This is Halloween" more than any human should endure.) I found myself unwinding to hanging the week long neglected laundry and listening to the Dirty Dancing soundtrack on my Ipod ( I  do not know what it is about Dirty Dancing but when I am in a funk all you have to do is  put on the movie or play me a tune from the sound track and I feel so much better.tremendously guilty about this fact! I know it is not the best movie in the world , it is immensely cheesy and compared to the hotties of today Patrick Swayze is not even that cute! I love you Patrick RIP it is true and I am sorry). It is not always Dirty Dancing I listen to though that was just today, in fact I have an entire playlist labeled "Laundry Time"


    Don't get me wrong I am not complaining about it at all. I actually like folding the laundry it gives me a zen like sense of calm. It is a chore I do mindlessly,  a chore I can let my mind wander while doing and the end results do not suffer.  Also I like feeling productive if I had choose to to any of the a fore mentioned items I would have felt guilty afterwards. That I should have down something productive during one of my rare days off. So how do the other people out there spend their rare moments of  "me time."

           

Little Green Frog of Doom!

Here is the little fella'

      We are staring each other down we both know it is time we meet again  and neither of us wanted to ever see each other again.  It started out so good with us the first time we met three years ago, I was so full of hope! I really thought he was ushering in an era of new beginnings and now every time I look at him I get that sick feeling deep in the pit of my stomach.
      I am talking about my green Fisher-Price frog potty. With his eyes demurely gazing to the side giving the perspective pottier that sense of security( I can just imagine the discussions in the board room about the placement of the eyes on the potty. "No Bob if his eyes look directly forward it is like he is looking at the parent and judging! But if his eyes stare upward it is like he is trying to sneak a peek!") The frog has a smug smile on his face he is not grinning to broadly like he is overly excited to me in his unique position, nor is his expression to grim like he feels entirely to put upon.

Cabbage patch potty

One of the more deluxe models

   When I first purchased him in 2009 I fell in love with it, I looked at about ten different potties while shopping for the perfect one that would take my Colton from diapers to undies. I looked at ones shaped like tiny thrones, ones that had a little pretend flush that made the noise when pulled on (they reminded me entirely to much of the tiny potty I had for my Cabbage patch dolls when I was little , while the toy was always a big hit when I had friends over it felt weird to have my child peeing on something so similar) there ones that sang a little potty song, and just plain old ones that are just a tan plastic seat with a removable bowl. Then I found Mr. Frog, he was the perfectly mix of utility and whimsy, his bowl was easily removed and cleaned, he was not to large and required no batteries, but he was also cute a rarity in other simple potties I had found (oh and he was not pink! that was another problem I encountered I guess moms of girls complained that there was not enough girl themed baby items and then manufacturers decided took those complaints to heart so that instead of making everything the primary colors of the past everything would now be pink and purple.)
        After I took him home the problems with or relationship started at first Colton was slightly frighted by his frog potty. It took lots of gentle introductions and bribes to get him even sit on him. Then there was countless hours sitting front of the potty staring into his side cast eyes willing Colton to produce even a trickle of tinkle. After a grueling month I finally had Colton trained and I never wanted to see that dang frog again but alas our fates were to intertwine again a mere year later when it was time for Cody to train. 

        If I thought training Colton was hard Cody was near to impossible he refused to sit on the potty at all, or if you got him to sit on it he would stare at you insolently for a couple minutes and then get up and run away crying with his little bare butt showing. After nearly six months of  exhausting training that nearly took it all out of me Mr. Frog was put back into storage again and this time I really never wanted to see him ever again. Yet here we are staring each other down for one last show down. He is a little worse for the wear now, showing the battle scars that come with bringing three small boys from diapers to underwear. This time with Cullen while be our last battle together, after him Mr. Frog can retire move to Florida and play shuffleboard all day with his other potty friends. Then and only then while my hatred for him soften and turn to gentle nostalgia for times past.
    Who knows maybe someday years into the future when the boys are all grown, I will come upon a frog potty at some thrift shop some where. Peeking out shyly underneath some rack and I will look into his eyes and my own eyes will well with tears remembering our battles together all those years ago. I will nod my head at him and he will understand that all is forgiven.  

Beating Bedtime Adversity With a Good Story

A most and beautiful sight, Cullen napping

  My kids do not sleep, they have not napped since they were itty bitty babies and the act of getting them to bed at night is a long and complicated process.
    I love their bedtime routine it is the best time of day for bonding and has become a bit of a relaxation point for me (not as zen as when I listen to music and fold laundry but close.) First we read a minimum of two stories it was been as much as six but never as low as one. Just reading one story would be the equivocation to the world ending in my boys eyes.

Another rare nap

      I try to make the stories we read every night  relate to events that happened in the day. One day Colton was having a particularly rough day, first I put the wrong shoes on him two lefties one size1 one size 13. I did not find this out til he was already dropped of at school and I was going to get Cody ready for his school. (this was actually the second time this had happened, You see when you have boys that are basically twins there is not that much selection when shoes go a deep discount so I often have to buy them matching shoes not out of a need to be cute but because it is the cheapest way out) When I went to put on Cody's shoes for preschool we had only two righties one size 1 one size thirteen so I had to go back to Colton' s school, and explain the situation to the very kind and understanding school secretary and  march to his classroom with Cody in tow and switch shoes. This was embarrassing enough for any small boy but when I got to the classroom he was crying his eyes out because he did not get an award at the awards ceremony and he had got one the past two previous times and when he saw me he thought that situation had been rectified and he was now receiving an award. When he found out he was not receiving an award after all and I was only there because I had yet again failed to correctly shoe him he was beyond embarrassed and upset. His day did not get better there was another string of events that can shake a five year old to the core like not being chose for line leader and So and So said I was not his friend because he said  I am a "cry baby". Even when he got home the day did not go his way there was homework to do before TV time and his least favorite meal served at dinner.

     It was an Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible No Good Day  kind of day, he relates well to Alexander because he two has two other brothers. At the end of the story he seemed to relax and when we go to the part at the end where he says "My mom says some days are like that... Even in Australia" he  felt much better. He looked at me with his large luminous eyes and asked "Mommy if I move to Australia I could still have bad days?"  and I said "Yes sweetie everyone has bad days." and he says "Even you Mommy?" I laugh and say "Of course! but bad days are only one day you will have a good day tomorrow!" and he felt much better.

    I have so many books on their book shelve I have had to organize them seasonally ( Christmas, Halloween, fall, spring, winter) then Dolly Parton ( Dolly has a wonderful program called the Imagination Library and we have received a book from her for each boy every month since they were babies, it stops when they are five so next year only Cullen will receive a book) then there is favorites, and easy readers. Yet even with a over flowing book shelve I still go the library every week and check out two tote bags full of books. We devour books like candy and I love it, but our night time routine does not end at the book reading it also extends to song singing.
   First I have to sing  " I love (insert boys name)" it is sung to the tune of "Brother John" and has new and different verses every time it is sung, then we must sing "Forever Young" (it is a song that was at the end of The Care Bears Movie 2 the Next Generation not the Rod Stewart ditty) then there is a big hug and a big kiss for each boy and I say good night and leave the room . Then about ten to twenty minutes later Cody will ask for a glass of water and if you bring Cody a glass of  chances are Colton will want one too and chances are if Colton drinks a glass of water he is going to have to go potty and if Colton goes potty he is not going to be sleepy any more and he will want another story ( kind of like a certain mouse in another story on our favorites shelf)

Don't have a Panic Attack....or do... whichever

   I was watching something the other day and the topic of discussion was  "Your biggest challenge as a mother". The moms were saying such negative/ secretly positive things as being "too organized" (is that a thing really?) or the need to juggle too many activities. I did not even need to thing about mine, I knew immediately that my biggest challenge is my severe anxiety/ panic disorder.

   I have suffered from anxiety since I was a teen, not just your normal  "Gee this test as got me worried" anxiety but crippling the whole lunch room is looking at me and laughing at me kind of anxiety. My anxiety panic disorder peaked while I was in high school but it never fully went away. When in full panic mode I feel like my chest is collapsing in on me that  and that my brain might just explode. I find he simplest of activities to be huge challenges.
  When it was just me to worry about I could just avoid the areas that made me flip out (like over crowded malls, carnivals/ festivals, crowded yet intimate parties.large family gatherings especially ones involving extended family rarely seen) I just stayed at home when I knew that it would be to much for me to handle and if other people thought I was flaky because of my frequent cancellation of plans and gatherings then so be it.

Similar to the image from my nightmares

    Yet now I find myself having accommodate  three other lives into the equation, three little lives that deserve to go to street fairs and large noisy gatherings of children. Almost all activities for children evoke my panic disorder to the extreme. Chuck E, Cheese is my worst nightmare, all the flashing lights, the throngs of people all jostling together, the loud squeals of laughter. I do not know what it is about laughter that cuts to my soul, I always  feel like laughter is directed at me and it makes me uncomfortable...
    The other day I wanted to take them to VBS (vacation bible school) they had been seeing advertisements for it everywhere and were fully psyched to attend it. the premise was promising or children 5 and up you could drop them off and leave them for three hours of fun and fellowship. I had been to VBS as a child and loved it, I liked meeting new friends, doing the crafts and most of all the snacks! But then here came the crux for Cullens age the parents were required to stay for the entire time I had steeled myself to stay for this time. Then I pulled up to the church and say the gaggle of Mommies outside with their jean skirts and artfully cut bobs who obviously all knew each other either from church or from the community and knew I did not belong. I just could not endure A) the questions about me and where I was from and what I did or B) the complete ignoring of me, both thoughts were equally unbearable to me. I felt the familiar thud of my heart in my chest, the sheen of sweat start to appear on my cheeks my head started to throb uncomfortably.  Instead of  pulling into the full parking lot I circled around and took them to the park instead. It was fun at the park a recent rainstorm had turned it into a make shift water park and I let them take off their shoes and go crazy. Yet I was filled with guilt they should be with other children doing crafts and singing " Jesus loves me" not running around like heathens at a school playground.
   Then I started thinking about all the other opportunities they had been denied due to my special brand of crazy.Don't get me wrong I suck it up and put on my big girl panties and deal with it ore often than not. I have been to Chuck E. Cheese countless times and only had to excuse myself to quietly sob in the bathroom once (maybe twice but no one saw me!) There has been countless birthday parties where I am chanting " just cut the cake!" in my head over and over again., Yet is those times where I can not deal and have to cancel plans or leave events completely that haunt me. Will they grow up wondering why they were always the first to leave parties? Why I veto almost all county fairs and festivals? Or will they remember the time Mom took us to the park and told us to pretend to be ducks and splash in the puddles?